प्रणय दिवसका चुट्किलाहरू

प्रेमिकाः के तिमी मलाई साँच्चिकै माया गर्छौ ?

प्रेमीः हो भनेको, मैले हिजै आफ्ना प्रेमिकाहरूको लिस्ट हेरेर कन्र्फम गरेको ।

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राम र श्यामसँग कुरा गर्दै थिएँः

श्यामः मेरी प्रेमिका मलाई यति धेरै माया गर्छे तर आजसम्म ऊ मँसग बोलेकी छैन ।

श्यामः (अचम्म पर्दै) हँ, किन नबोलेको ?

रामः मेरी प्रेमिका बहिरा छ क्या !

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प्रेमीः बिहान खोइ कसको अनुहार देखिएछ, आज दिनभर एक सिता अन्न पनि पेटमा परेको छैन ।

प्रेमिकाः मैले भनेको मान्दैनौ, त्यो तिम्रो बेडरुममा भएको ऐना हटाइदेऊ, नत्र सधैं त्यस्तै होला ।    

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प्रेमिकाले प्रभावको छातीमा हात राख्दै भनीः तिम्रो दिल त पत्थरजस्तै कडा रहेछ ।

प्रेमीः (हाँस्दै)ः होइन डार्लिङ, तिम्रो हात मेरो गोजीमा भएको लाइटरमा छ ।

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प्रेमीः हैन, तिमीले यो मिनीस्कर्ट लगाएको देखेर घरमा बुबाले गाली गर्न हुन्न ?

प्रेमिकाः बुवाले त गर्नुहुन्न तर आमाले चाहिँ गाली गर्नुहुन्छ ।

प्रेमीः बुवाले चाहिँ केही नभन्ने अनि आमाले चाहिँ किन गाली गर्ने नि ?

प्रेमिकाः आमा आफ्नो लुगा अरूले लगाको मनै पराउनुहुन्न ।

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प्रेमीः मलाई पैसाको सख्त आवश्यकता छ ।

प्रेमिकाः किन ?

प्रेमीः मेरो बाबा बिरामी हुनुहुन्छ ।

प्रेमिकाः रुपैयाँको त मलाई पनि आवश्यकता छ ।

प्रेमीः किन, के भयो र ?

प्रेमिकाः के हुनु नि, तिमीलाई नै दिनलाई हो ।

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प्रेमीः प्रिय, म त्यस्ती युवतीसँग विवाह गर्न चाहन्छु जो सुन्दर, बुद्धिमान् तथा सीधा व्यवहार गर्ने खालकी होस् ।

प्रेमिकाः त्यो त ठीकै छ, तर हाम्रो कानुनले तीन जनासँग विवाह गर्न छुट दिएको छैन ।

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एक प्रेमिकाले आफ्नी साथीसँग भनिन्ः थाहा छ, मेरो प्रेमीले मलाई यो सहरको सबैभन्दा सुन्दर महिला भन्छ ।

सहज स्वरमा साथीले भनिन्ः हो, मलाई थाहा छ र यो पनि थाहा छ कि उसको आँखा धेरै कमजोर छ ।   

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प्रेमिकाः कति नराम्रो कुरा तिमी मेरो पिटाइपछि पनि हाँसिरहेका छौ ।

प्रेमीः तिमीले नै भनेकी थियौ, खतराको सामना हाँसी-हाँसी गर्नुपर्छ ।

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प्रेमिकाः म तिमी विना बाँच्न सक्दिनँ । तिमी मसँग कहिले विवाह गर्छौ ?

प्रेमीः प्रिय, म तिमीसँग अवश्य विवाह गर्छु तर पहिले मैले आफ्नो परिवारसँग सोध्नुपर्छ ।

प्रेमिकाः के तिम्रा बुबा-आमाले मान्नुहुन्छ त ?

प्रेमीः किन नमान्नु ? मेरा बुवा-आमाले मेरो निजी जीवनमा चासो राख्नुहुन्न । मलाई त मेरो श्रीमती र छोराको पो डर छ त !   

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प्रेमिकाः तिमी विवाहपछि चुरोट पिउन छोड्छौ ?

प्रेमीः किन नछोड्नु ? अवश्य छोड्छु ।

प्रेमिकाः रक्सी र तास नि !

प्रेमीः त्यो पनि छोड्छु ।

प्रेमिकाः विवाहअघि चाहिँ के-के छोड्ने विचार गरेका छौ नि ?

प्रेमीः तिमीलाई !   

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प्रेमी-प्रेमिका कोठामा बसिरहेका बेला प्रेमीले अकस्मात बत्ती निभाए ।

प्रेमिकाः तिमीले के गरेको यो ? बत्ती बाल, मलाई डर लाग्छ ।

प्रेमीः नडराऊ प्रिय, म छँदै छु नि ।

प्रेमिकाः तिमी भएर त डराएको नि ।

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एउटा बगैंचामा प्रेमी-प्रेमिका कुरा गर्दै थिए ।

प्रेमिकाः रोहन, के तिमी मलाई विवाहपछि पनि यत्तिकै माया गर्छौ ?

प्रेमीः गर्छु नि, मलाई विवाह गरेका महिला पहिलेदेखि नै मन पर्छन् ।

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एउटा लामखुट्टे र कमिला एक-अर्कालाई खुब प्रेम गर्थे । यो कुरा कमिलाको बाबुले चाल पाएछ । त्यसैले उसले कमिलाको विवाह हात्तीसँग गरिदिएछ । एक वर्षपछि हात्ती र  कमिला बजार गएका थिए । बजारमा कमिलाको भेट पूर्वप्रेमी लामखुट्टेसँग भएछ । हात्ती एकातिर गएको मौका पारी लामखुट्टेले कमिलासँग आफूसित भाग्ने प्रस्ताव राख्यो ।  कमिलाले निराश हुदै भन्यो- नाइँ, अब म तिमीसँग जान्नँ । मेरो पेटमा हात्तीको बच्चा छ ।

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एउटा मानिसले आफ्नो प्रेमिकालाई ओठमै किस गरिदिएछ ।

प्रेमिकाः तिमीले मलाई विवाहअघि नै किस गरेको......?

प्रेमीः म त विवाहित नै हो नि प्रिये ।

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प्रेमीः तिमीलाई कसरी फोन गरूँ त म ?

प्रेमिकाः किन नि ?

प्रेमीः तिम्रो बुबाले फोन उठाए भने !

प्रेमिकाः डराउनु पर्दैन । मेरो बुबाले फोन उठाउनुभयो भने योगेश बोलेको भन, उहाँले बोलाइदिनुहुन्छ ।

प्रेमीः योगेश ! ऊ को नि ?

प्रेमिकाः ऊ मेरो हुनेवाला श्रीमान् हो । त्यसैले बुबाले सजिलै फोन दिनुहुन्छ ।

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प्रेमीः मैले निश्चय गरें कि म पच्चीस पुगेपछि विवाह गर्छु ।

प्रेमिकाः मैले पनि निश्चय गरें कि जबसम्म मेरो विवाह हुँदैन, तबसम्म म पनि पच्चीस वर्षकै रहन्छु ।

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विदेशमा भएको लाहुरे आफ्नी प्रेमिकाले छोडपत्र पठाएको र भएको फोटो फिर्ता गर्न भनी चिठी लेखेकोमा दुःखी र निराश थियो, तर केटा पनि के कम ? उसले भए  भरको सबै फोटो जम्मा गर्‍यो र लेख्योः मायालु प्रिय, मैले तिमी कुनचाहिँ हो भनेर चिन्न सकिनँ.... त्यसैले कृपया तिम्रो फोटो राख र अरू चाहिँ फिर्ता गरिदेऊ ।

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सयुज र सन्दीप वसन्तपुर घुम्दै थिए । त्यही बेला सन्दीप एकोहोरिएर कतै हेरिरहेको थियो ।

सयुजः दाइ, के हेरेको त्यसरी ?

सन्दीपः -दरबारको दलिनमा प्रेममा मग्न परेवाको जोडी देखाउँदै) हे भगवान्, तिनीहरूले जस्तो गरी माया गर्न पाए कस्तो हुन्थ्यो होला ?

सयुजः (झर्किंदै) तपाईंका घरमा नि परेवा छन् , गएर गर्नु नि त माया....!    ०००

कक्षामा एक दिन शिक्षकले विद्यार्थीहरूलाई आफ्ना प्रेमी-प्रेमिकाको नाम लेख्न लगाएछन् । एक छात्रबाहेक सबैले दुई सेकेन्डमै नाम लेखेर बुझाए तर एउटा विद्यार्थीले दस  मिनेटपछि उठेर भन्योः सर ! थप कपी ।

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प्रेमी-प्रेमिका होटलमा बसेर खाना खाइरहेका थिए ।

प्रेमिकाः आज एउटा सायरी सुनाऊ न, कान पवित्र हुने थियो कि ?

प्रेमीः तिमीलाई भेट्न आएथें म त, तिम्रो बाबुको कत्रो सान, ढोकाभित्र पस्नै नपाइ लेखेको रहेछ— कुकुरदेखि सावधान ।

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प्रेमीः आजकाल म साहित्यसेवा गरिरहेको छु ।

प्रेमिकाः -खुसी हुँदै) किताबै लेख्न थाल्यौ कि क्या हो ?

प्रेमीः होइन, सहित्य प्रकाशन केन्द्रमा पुस्तकमा गम टाँस्ने काम गर्छु ।

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प्रेमीः सरिता

प्रेमिकाः हजुर

प्रेमीः आज म एउटा कुरा सोधौँ ?

प्रेमिकाः सोध न ।

प्रेमीः के साँच्चै तिम्रो जीवनमा आएको म नै पहिलो पुरुष हुँ ?

प्रेमिकाः हो नि । म पनि एउटा कुरो सोधौँ ?

प्रेमीः सोध न ।

प्रेमिकाः किन सबै जना मसँग यही प्रश्न सोध्छन् डार्लिङ ?

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एक प्रेमी आफ्नी प्रेमिकाको पिताकहाँ गयो र भन्यो— म तपाईंकी छोरीको हात माग्न आएको ।

प्रेमिकाको बुबा— सिर्फ हात पाइँदैन । माग्नु छ भने पूरै छोरी माग ।    

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प्रेमीः तिम्रा आँखा साह्रै नशालु छन् ?

प्रेमिकाः किन नहुनु त ? मेरो ड्याडी नामुद जँड्याहा हुनुहुन्छ ।

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एउटी सुन्दर महिला मनोचिकित्सक कहाँ पुगेर ।

महिलाः डाक्टरसा'प, मेरो एक जना केटासँग प्रेम भयो । उसलाई म ज्यादै मन पराउँछु । उसले पनि मलाई मन पराउँछ । हामी विवाह गर्न चाहन्छौं । हाम्रो यो कुरामा  मेरो डेडी-ममी पनि खुसी हुनुहुन्छ ।

डाक्टरः सबै ठीकै रहेछ, बिहे गरे भैगयो नि ? मैले सल्लाह नै दिनुपर्ने कुरा नै के छ र ?

सुन्दर महिलाः तर म आफ्नो लोग्नेलाई यो कुरा कसरी भनौं ?

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प्रेमीः भन मात्र प्रिय, तिम्रो लागि आकाशको जून-तारा झारिदिन्छु ।

प्रेमिकाः आकाशको जून-तारा होइन, मात्र तिम्रो सबै दाँत झारेर मलाई दिए पुग्छ ।

प्रेमीः -आश्चर्य मान्दै) मेरा सबै दाँत झारेर तिमीलाई दिएँ भने म त बूढोजस्तो देखिइन्छु नि ।

प्रेमिकाः त्यसो भए अरू युवतीले तिमीप्रति आँखा लगाउन पाउँदैनन् नि !

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पति-पत्नी प्रेमपूर्ण गफ गरिरहेका थिए ।

पतिः भगवान्ले कानमा नपरोस्, तर पनि यदि मेरो देहान्त भए तिमी कोसँग बस्छौ ?

पत्नीः -रातो र रसिलो अनुहार पार्दै) आफ्नै बहिनीसँग बस्नुपर्ला ? अनि मलाई केही भैहालेमा तपाईं कोसँग बस्नुहुन्छ नि ?

पतिः -गम्भीर हुँदै) मेरो पनि आफ्नो भन्नु अरू को नै छ र ! तिम्रै बहिनीसँग बस्नुपर्ला नि !

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प्रेमीः कति महँगी बढेको । बीस रुपैयाँको त केही पनि आउँदैन डार्लिङ ।

प्रेमिकाः किन आउँदैन, दुईवटा दसको नोट त आउँछ नि ।

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प्रेमीः प्रिय, म तिम्रो आँखामा सधैंका लागि डुब्न चाहन्छु ।

प्रेमिकाः मेरो आँखालाई तिमीले स्वीमिङ पुल भन्ठानेको ?

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प्रेमीः आज म हाम्रो विवाहको कुरा गर्न तिम्रो घरमा आउँछु है ?

प्रेमिकाः तिमीले ठीक समयमा फोन गर्‍यौ । आज बुबाले जुत्ता फुकालेर पलङ मुनि राख्नुभएको छ । छिट्टै आऊ है !

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किन भाइ, आज एकदमै उदास भएर बसेको छस् नि ?

मेरी प्रेमिकाले मसँग शीघ्र विवाह गर्ने प्रस्ताव राखी ।

यसमा चिन्ता गर्ने के कुरा छ ?

चिन्ताको त कुरा छ । अब मैले प्रेम कोसँग गर्ने ?

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प्रेमिकाः तिमी त भन्थ्यौ, ब्युटी क्लिनिकमा तिम्रो जागिर भयो भनेर । तिमी यहाँ बाहिर उभिएर के गरिरहका छौ ?

प्रेमीः यहाँ बाहिर उभिनु, भित्र पस्ने नारीको रक्षा गर्नु र जब श्रृंगार गराएर बाहिर निस्कन्छन् तब सिटी बजाउनु यही त हो मेरो जागिर ।

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प्रेमीः अब म तिमीलाई कसरी भनौं कि दुनियाँमा त्यस्तो केही छैन, जुन म तिमीलाई पाउनका लागि गर्न नसकौं । तिम्रा लागि म पर्वत नाघ्न सक्छु, समुद्र तर्न सक्छु ।

प्रेमिकाः म पनि तिमीलाई धेरै चाहन्छु प्रिय ! अब कहिले भेट्ने ?

प्रेमीः यदि पानी परेन भने शनिबार यही समयमा यहीँ ।

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पत्नी पतिसँग कार चलाउन सिक्दै थिई, उसले पतिलाई भनीः यो सामुन्नेको सिसा ठीकसँग लगाइएको छैन ।

किन, के गडबडी छ ? -पतिले सोध्यो ।

यसमा म पछाडिबाट आएको कार देख्छु, तर आफ्नो अनुहार त बिल्कुलै देख्दिनँ ।

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एक पुलिसको घरमा चोर आएछ । पुलिसकी स्वास्नीले पुलिसलाई उठाउन खोजी । पुलिस रिसाउँदै भनेछः सुत्न देऊ, म अहिले ड्युटीमा छैन ।

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एउटा मान्छे गाडी कुदाइरहेको थियो । उसकी श्रीमतीले फोन गरेर आत्तिँदै भनीः विचार गरेर गाडी कुदाऊ । मैले भर्खरै रेडियोमा सुनेको एउटा बहुला मान्छेले गलत  रूटमा गाडी कुदाइरहेको छ ।

श्रीमान्ः मलाई थाहा छ, तर यहाँ एउटा मात्र होइन, सैयौं मानिसले गलत रुटमा कुदाइरहेका छन् ।

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पत्नीः सुन्नु त, छोरा किन रोएको ?

पतिः ऊ भन्दै छ— गधामाथि चढ्छ रे ।

पत्नीः किन रुवाइरहेको त, आफ्नो जीउमा चढाउनु न ।

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डाक्टरः बिरामीलाई सल्लाह दिंदै, तपाईं आफ्नो ब्लड प्रेसर सामान्य बनाउन चाहनुहुन्छ भने तनावमा बस्दै नबस्नुस् ।

बिरामीः यदि त्यसो हो भने म आजै मेरी श्रीमतीलाई माइत पठाइदिन्छु ।

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श्रीमतीः म अब यो घरमा एक मिनेट पनि बस्न सक्दिनँ ।

श्रीमान्ः त्यसो भए के गछर्यौ त ?

श्रीमतीः म माइती जान्छु, अब म तिमीलाई पारपाचुके दिन्छु ।

श्रीमान्ः यस्ता राम्रा-राम्रा कुरा गरेर तिमी मलाई कहिल्यै मूर्ख बनाउन सक्दिनौ ।

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रामुको घरमा फोनको घण्टी बज्यो, उसले श्रीमतीलाई घरमा छैन भनिदे भनेर फोन उठाउन लगायो, श्रीमतीले फोन उठाएर भनीः ऊ घरमै छ ।

रामु -रिसाउँदै)ः मैले घरमा छैन भन भनेको होइन ? किन छ भन्यौ ?

श्रीमतीः होइन, त्यो मेरै फोन थियो ।

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एक दिन लोग्ने-स्वास्नीबीच को राम्रो भनेर झगडा परेछ । झगडा टुङ्ग्याउन उनीहरूले आफ्नो छोरासँग सोधेछन्ः भन त बाबु, हामी दुई जनामा को राम्रो ?

छोराः -जङ्गिँदै) तपाईंहरू दुई जना राम्रो भएको भए म यस्तो हुन्थें...?

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पहिलोः भरे के गर्दैछौ नि ?

दोस्रोः घर पुग्नासाथ आफ्नो लुगा धुनु छ, श्रीमती माइतीमा छे । अनि तिम्रो नि ?

पहिलोः मेरो त घर पुग्नासाथ सालीको कट्टु फुकाल्नु छ ।

दोस्रोः हँ, किन ?

पहिलोः मैले आज बिहान हतारमा सालीको कट्टु लगाएर आएछु ।

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दुःखका साथ भन्नुपरिरहेको छ कि तपाईंकी श्रीमती तपाईंको ड्राइभरसँग भागी ।

मनिसः केही छैन, म आफैं गाडी चलाउन सक्छु ।

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एक भलाद्मीकी श्रीमती एकाएक कतै गायब भइन् ।

हामीले सुन्यौं, तपाईंकी पत्नी कतै गायब भइन रेः कसैले सोध्यो ।

हो, तपाईंले ठीक सुन्नुभयोः उतर मिल्यो । पुलिसमा रिपोर्ट गर्नुभयो ?

छैन । किन ?

अघिल्लोपटक मेरी श्रीमती गायब भएकी थिई, मैले पुलिसमा रिपोर्ट लेखाएकी थिएँ । त्यतिबेला धेरै गडबड भयो ।

कस्तो गडबड ?

पुलिसले उसलाई खोजेर ल्याइदियो ।

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दिपेशः कसरी घरमा बसी-बसी शरीरभरि चोट लाग्यो ? विराटः खै यार, कसरी भन्ने ? त्यत्तिकै लाग्यो ।  दिपेशः कतिचोटि भनिसके, अरूसँग झगडा नगर... हेर, कुटेर  तिम्रो कस्तो हालत बनाएका... तिमीलाई कुट्नेको त हातमा कीरा परोस् । विराटः बस बस, म आफ्नी श्रीमतीका बारेमा योभन्दा धेरै नराम्रो सुन्न सक्दिनँ ।

sapthahik

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Jokes For Fun

                                     औषधि एक, फाइदा अनेक

डाक्टरः मेरो औषधिले केही फाइदा भयो ?
विरामीः धेरै फाइदा भयो । एक पटक खाँदै मेरो खोकी ठिक भयो । दल्दा गर्दन दुखाई हराइरह्यो । र, जति बचेको थियो त्यसले घरका पित्तलका भाँडाको दाग गयो ।
२. चोरको मेहनत
घरमा चोर पस्यो । घरकी मालिक्नीको निद्रा खुल्यो । चोरले उनलाई हिर्काउन लौरो उचाल्यो तब घर मालिक्नीले भनिन्-मलाई नहिर्काउ । तिमी जे चाहन्छौ लैजाउ ।
चोरले भन्यो-यस्तो हुन सक्दैन । कुटाई त खानैपर्छ ।
घर मालिक्नी : किन ?
चोरः किनभने हामी मेहनतको खाना मात्र खान्छौ ।
३. कहिल्यै झगडा भएन
विवाहको ५०औं वर्षगाँडमा कुनै पाहुनाले भन्यो-हेरिरहेछु, तपाई श्रीमान/श्रीमति निकै खुसी हुनुहुन्छ । के कुनै दिन तपाईहरु दुई बीच झगडा भएको छ ? कहिल्यै घर छोड्ने सोचाई आयो ?
श्रीमान श्रीमतिः ‘कयौ पटक यस्तो सोचाई आयो तर वर्षौ पहिला हामी दुईबीच एउटा सम्झौता भएको थियो’
पाहुना-कस्तो सम्झौता ?
श्रीमान/श्रीमतिः हाम्रा ११जना बच्चा छन् । उनीहरुका २५ जना बालबच्चा छन् । हामी सधैं यो ठुलो घरमा रहन्छौ । हामी श्रीमान/श्रीमतिमा सम्झौता यो भएको थियो कि हामी दुईमध्ये जसले घर छोडेर जान चाहन्छ, उसले यो सबैलाई पनि लिएर जानुपर्नेछ ।
४. के तपाई नेता हो ?
जेलमा दुई कैदीबीचको कुराकानीः
पहिलोः तिमी यहाँ किन आयौं ?
दोस्रोः कसैसँग झगडा भएको थियो त्यसैले । अनि तिमी नि ?
पहिलोः मैले मानिसलाई धोका दिएँ, करोडौ यताउति गरे।
दोस्रो : के तपाई नेता हो ?
५. नेताको काम
जीवन -निरजसँग) के तिमी भन्न सक्छौ कि एक जना व्यक्तिले नेता बनेपछि के विशेष काम गर्दछ?
निरजः चुनावअघि उ आफ्नो हात हल्लाउछ र चुनावपछि जनताको विश्वास ।
६. एक कवि
एक जना कवि जब मञ्चमा उपस्थित भए तब स्रोतालाई अभिवादन नगरिकनै कविता पढ्न लागे । उनले न अगाडि हेरे न पछाडि नै न दायाँ न बायाँ, न तल न माथि । उनी कविता बाचन गर्दै गए …गर्दै गए ।
अन्ततः स्रोतहरुले सहन गर्न सकेनन् । एक जना स्रोतले प्याच्चै भनिहाले-के तपाई अघिल्लो जन्ममा कुनै ट्रक ड्राइभर हुनुहुन्थ्यो, जो रोक्ने नामै लिदैन ।
७. प्रेमी-प्रेमिका र बस स्टेशन
एक प्रेमी र प्रेमिका बस स्टेशनमा उभिएर आ-आफ्नो बसको प्रतिक्षा गरिरहेका थिए ।
प्रेमी-तिमी कुन नम्बरको बसमा जानु हुन्छ ?
प्रेमिका-दुई नम्बरको बसमा, अनि तपाई नि ?
प्रेमी-पाँच नम्बरको बसमा ।
निकै बेरको प्रतिक्षापछि त्यहाँ एउटा बस आयो जसको नम्बर २५ थियो ।
राहतको स्वास लिदै प्रेमीले भन्यो-भगवान धन्यवाद छ, अब कसैले पनि बसको प्रतिक्षा गर्नेपर्ने छैन । हामी एउटै बसबाट आ-आफ्नो गन्तव्य पुग्नेछौ।

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SMS & JOKES Collection

Husband 1: Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Husband 2: Buddy by the time she gets ready no other place is open!

True Love is like a pillow U could HUG it when u r in trouble U could CRY on it when u r in pain U could EMBRACE it when u r happy Want True Love? Spend Rs50 BUY A PILLOW

Never think of the past It brings tears... If you think of the future It brings fears... So, live life in the present And drink chilled beers!

What do I do when I see someone extremely Gorgeous, Attractive, Terrific, Cute, Fabulous.... I Stare, I smile, And, when I get tired..... I put down the mirror !

What is the similarity between CIRCUS and a BEAUTIFUL GIRL'S HEART? Both have space for 1 more clown... Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called? Student: I don't know. Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called? Student: They r called Germs. Definition of a Nurse A young and beautiful woman who fingers u in all places n holds ur hand and then expects ur pulse to be normal If u r stressed, you'll get pimples.. if u cry,u'll get wrinkles.. So, y don't u smile & get dimples? Women are like blue jeans, They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced. There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it. There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it! Psychiatrist's receptionist comes & says There's a man out who says he can make himself invisible. Psychiatrist: "Tell him I can't see him right now." An in-depth study has shown that the bird flu virus hits the best chicks first. I thought I'd warn you immediately.. All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" Sign post outside our collage- "Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!". Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl. What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH! A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!! A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup." Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents. Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...! I hear that you drop some money in Stocks. Were you a bull or a bear?" "Neither, just a plain simple ass. I want U 2 know dat our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry I cry, U Lauf I Lauf, U Jump out of da window... I look down & den.. I lauf again Birds love u, Giraffe love u, Goat love u, Elephant love u, Go to zoo, They all miss u. Remove your Shirt, Remove your Pants too, ahhhh uhhhhh remove ur kurti now ahhh.... Finally the suitcase is closed. wen tings go rong, wen tears flow 4rm ur eyes, wen sadness fills ur heart, plz inform me-coz my frnd sells tissues BUY ONE GET ONE FREE I know you think I'm cute, I know you think I'm fine, but like the other guys take a number and wait in line!! Based on Newton's 1st Law: Law of love Love neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can be changed frm one girlfriend to another girlfriend. so sweet is ur SMILE..... so sweet is ur STYLE..... so sweet is ur VOICE..... so sweet is ur EYE....... see how sweetly I LIE!! Difference: It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered Last night was my fault, my wife asked, "what's on the TV?" and ..... I said, "dust!" Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly! Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!1+1= 2 my 2 eyes looking at u 3+2 = 5 sense missing u 4+3 =7 days thinking of u 5+7= 12 months dreaming abt u but 99 +1 =100 year's i need a sweet friend like u..... See outside the window the sun is rising 4 u, the birds singing 4 u, the flowers smiling 4 u BCZ last night I told them 2 wish u Good Morning. The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it. I Forgive all the beings,May all the beings forgive me. My Amity is with all the beings, and enmity with none .  Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. To love someone is nothing. To be loved by someone is something. To love and be loved by someone is everything. U r in my heart always..bcz when i open my eyes i feel u were my dream ..when i close my eyes i feel u were in reallity of my life  Frndship is like d relation b/w the hand n d eyes.when d hand get hurtz d eye cries n when d eye cries d hand wipes d tears Each time i miss u , a star falls down. so if someday at night u wake up & find its dark & no stars at all its all ur fault....coz u made me miss u sooooooooo much . What you do today is important because you are exchanging a Day of your Life for it.  There is only one moment to live, the present moment.Either live it or leave it unlived. The best of all things is to learn. Money can be lost or stolen, health and strength may fail, but what you have committed to your mind is yours forever.  Flirt with ur understanding,get engaged to compassion,marry simplicity,honeymoon with genuineness,&divorce the ego...thats life.Live it  Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get . . . Only with what you are expected to give. . . . Which is everything. If we fight, we may not always win, but if we don't fight, we will surely lose To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart. He, who loses money, loses much; He, who loses a friend, loses much more; He, who loses faith, loses all. Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Anger is only one letter short of danger If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; If he betrays you twice, it is your fault. A "smile" is a sign of joy...a "hug" is a sign of love...a "laugh" is a sign of happiness & a "friend" like "me" is a sign of "GOOD CHOICE" COURT ORDER! u r accused of crawling into my HEART, & hijacking my smiles with urs. How do u plead? GUILTY! U R sentenced 2 b MY FRIEND 4 -LIFE-no bail accepted? The secret to productive goal setting is in establishing clearly defined goals, writing them down and then focusing on them several times a day with words, pictures and emotions AS IF we've already achieved them. Last Night I hugged my pillow and dream of you..I wish that somday I'd dream abt my pillow and I h'd been hugging you. A person u love is an extention of urself. w/o it, u r not complete so better tke cre of urself because i dnt wnt 2 lose a part of me.. In words, love can be read. In actions, love can be measured but others don't know that even in silence love can be heard. The best part of loving is not wishing that the person loves you as much as you do, but in feeling that you love the person more than you thought you could. What good is beauty without brains, looks without charm, money without happiness, a smile without feelings, a life without you? Thru the sky I saw a smile. Thru the smile I saw joy. Thru joy I saw friendship. Thru friendship I saw friends. And thru friends I saw you. I will lend you my shoulder for you to cry on, my ears to listen to you, my hand for you to hold, my feet to walk with you but i can not lend you my heart because it already belongs to you. There is night so we can appreciate day, sorrow so we can appreciate joy, evil so we can appreciate good, you so i can appreciate love. Wat if u nid 2 make 100 steps 2 get close 2 me, wud u do it? Wel, just take 1 step n ill come rushing 2 take 99 steps 4 u. so f u nid me, ill be der. I've made so many mistakes in my life, but something I did right was to have you as a friend and I definitely wont make another mistake of losing someone like you. My day maybe hectic. My sked may be tight. But I would never let d day end w/o me saying good night. Have sweet dreams. You greeted me hi I didn't reply. you gave me a sweet smile, I responded with a sigh. You showed me your love you received a shrug. But when you bid goodbye I began to cry. A - U r Attractive B - U r the Best C - U r Cute D - U r Dear 2 Me E - U r Excellent F - U r Funny G - U r Good-Looking H - hehehe I - I'm J - JOKING I saw U on the road that day U Were Looking so fine Ur Face So Divine Ur Walk So Perfect My Heart Started to Sing a Sweet Song??????. WHO LET THE DOGS OUT U R the one who is CHARMING U R the one who is INTELLIGENT U R the one who is CUTE And I am the One who is spreading these RUMOURS Lucky means who get the opportunity Brilliant means who creats the opportunity Winner means who uses the opportunity Have a winning day today and always A Friendship is Sweet when its New , its Sweeter when its true ,But its Sweetest when the friend is like you. Obstacles can't stop you Problems can't stop you. Most of all, other people can't stop you. Only you can stop you A day without laughter is a day wasted. Fortune will never come if u invite it to come , u must have to bring it. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. I am treating you as my friend asking you share my present minuses in the hope I can ask you to share my future pluses. If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. the longer i know u ,the more i love u.just when i think ive had the fortune to witness all of ur inner beauty,u reveal yet more,of urself to me &i fall in love all over again with u. How can i spell "S_CCESS" without 'U'? or "C_TE" or "H_MBLE" or "F_N" or "F_T_RE" or even "TR_ST" what will i do without 'U' proud to have a friend like 'U When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life If u have a better idea , and I have another , and we exchange ,then we have two ideas each .beleive in it and act ! what you think ?? Just smile Setting a place for me in your heart is ok but setting a place for me in ur mind might be dangerous coz i am MIND BLOWING! In the rhythm of life sometimes v find R-selves out of tune, but as long as there r people like u 2 provide the melody ---- the music plays on & On & on. Life is like a camera, it may click any time..so always keep smiling on ur face. All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts Education without character science without humanity commerce without morality politics without principle are useless and dangerous No one can go back and make a brand new start .Any one can make start from now and make a brand new ending You?d better not be a dayfly and not having your day. ?What he want, I do not want ... What I want, he does not want ... What we want, is not allowed ?Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last Keep the school clean ... stay home! Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep! If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought. What do I miss about my wife? Her absence. The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist Some people live because it is illegal to kill them! Without the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one? Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest. When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness! No-one loves hard work more than the one who pays for it. What do you have in common with your husband ? " We married on the same day." What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women. I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. Getting an other boyfriend or husband is like buying a house. You have to improve yourself.Everynite as i lie in my bed all i cis those sexy eyes, kissable lips, smooth skin, DROP DEAD gorgeous body!DAM. i've got 2 moveDAT MIRROR FROM MY CEILING I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox! This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience ive won a trip for me and 50 mates for 2 weeks aboard a luxury yacht in fiji, inclusive with ?1500 each speandin money.........can you feed my dog while i'm gon? I was nervous at first, it was big & long it went straight up, i had 2 try it, i eased myself onto it i liked it. I went up & down on it .... NOW I LOVE ELEVATORS! What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET A phone call is a form of communication,a kiss is a form of affection,a photo is a form of rememberance having me as a friend is a form of having good taste! Last night, I wanted you, needed u so badly it hurt. I wanted to taste you, wanted you inside me so you could work your magic on me... but I couldn't find you...... you stupid asprin ?i'd love to take u out 4 dinner, make u sit beside the candle light, shower uwith roses and utter those 3 magical words in ur ear "PAY THE BILL I have a confession to make ever since i met u its been hard for me to 4get u every night i see u in my dreams and find myself shouting GHOST GHOST U have a brain disease. Your brain is in 2 parts, left and right. Left brain has nothing right in it and right brain has nothing left in it. Its INTERNATIONAL GOOD LOOKING DAY! send this to someone that you think is gorgeous, dont send it to me as I have had 100s already Q: If a devil catches ur wifr, wat wud u do? A: U can do nothin. If devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences. God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother-in-law. Twinkle twinkle little star, you should know what you are, and once you know what you are, Mental hospital is not so far. Though Shakespeare is great , he'll never find d right words to describe u because he simply never experienced knowing a wonderful person like u, friend! When u need some1 to be there 4 u n no one is around, gaze up d sky. U may not c me from up there but remember we r just under d same sky. I could never be far. Take care. Heart could only love 4 a while. Feet could only walk some miles. Clothes wont 4ever be in style. But my friendship to u will never be stolen by time. Great minds contain ideas, solutions n reasons; scientific minds contain formulas, theories n figures; my mind contains only u Sweet candies r nice to eat , sweet words r easy to say bt sweet ppl r hard to find my goodness how did u find me. We all have the extraordinary coded within us, waiting to be released. Take a chance! All life is chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The "sure thing" boat never gets far from shore. In my life I learned how… 2 love 2 smile 2 be happy 2 be strong 2 work hard 2 be honest 2 be faithful 2 forgive but I couldn’t learn how.. 2 stop rembering u. If u r a chocolate ur the sweetest, if u r a Teddy Bear u r the most huggable, If u are a Star u r the Brightest, and since u r my “FRIEND” u r the “BEST”!!!!!!!!! People live People die People Laugh People Cry Some give up Some will try Some say hi Some say bye Others may forget YOU but never will I. A friend gives hope when life is low, a friend is a place when you have nowhere to go, a friend is honest, a friend is true. A friend is precious a friend is u. A friend is sweet when its new….but it is sweeter when its TRUE! But u know what? Its sweetest when its you. Sometimes my mind asked why? I miss u, Why? I care 4 u, Why? I remember u then my heart answered its simply b’coz you are a sweet friend!! Never say ur happy when ur sad… never say ur fine when ur not ok… never say u feel good when u feel bad… and never say ur alone when I m still alive. If I could pull down the rainbow I would write ur name with it & put it back in the sky to let everybody know how colorful my life is with a friend like u!! Life is 4 u, death is 4 me, being happy is 4 u, being sad is 4 me, being together is 4 u, being lonely is 4 me, everything 4 u but u r 4 me. If I m in hell & u in heaven, I always look up & be proud of u. but if I were In heaven & u in hell, I beg God 2 send me down coz heaven wont be heaven without u. Knowing a friend like u has made me happy in a million ways And if Ever I Have to Let you go………..I would Find a million reasons to make u stay!!!! Life is traveled once. Today's moment becomes tomorrow's memory. Enjoy every moment, good or bad bcoz the gift of life is life itself. How can u tell the rain not 2 fall when clouds exist? How can u tell the leaves not 2 fall when wind exist? How can u tell me not to fall in friendship when u exist. A SMILE is the lightning system of the FACE, cooling system of HEAD and heating system of HEART. So keep SMILING all day "Smile increases value of Face" "Anger spoils Beauty of Soul" "faith is force of Life" "Confidence is companion of Success" so "KEEP SMILING" EARTH may stop ROTATING BIRDS may stop FLYING CANDLES may stop MELTING FISHES may stop SWIMMING HEART may stop BEATING But I will never stop DISTURBING U. Dreams visit us when we are asleep... But God is truely wise... He wakes up every days and gives us chance to make our dreams come true Alphabetical advices for u: ABC:avoid bad company. DEF:dont entertain fools. GHI:give-up high ideas. JKLM:just keep liking me..!!;) ABC: Always Be Careful, DEF: Don't Ever Forget (me), JKLM: Just Keep Loving Me, ZOPQRSTUVW: No other Person Quite Right Shall Treat U Very Well;- ur's loving XYZ! Night has ended 4 another day, Morning has come in a special way, may u smile like the sunny rays n leave ur worries 4 some other day.. Take care. Close ur eyes... Save all the sweet memories in ur heart... Think of all beautiful things in ur life & surrender urself to sweet dreams. so Sweet is ur SMILE??? so Sweet is ur STYLE??? so Sweet is ur VOICE??? so Sweet is ur EYE????? see .......how Sweetly I LIE Those Saprkling Eyes Those Marvelous Lips A 100 Watt Smile The Majestic Walk The Cheerful Talk Truly Charming Personality Guess, That's Enough abt ME U r the ACCENT of my Life, ALTO of my Dreams, IKON of my Eyes, ZEN of my Thoughts, INDICA of my Joy, LANCER of my Heart. Can anyone clear this TRAFFIC JAM plzz Roses are RED Violets are BLUE Monkeys Like U Should be kept in the ZOO Dont Worry, u'll find me there TOO Not in the Cage, but LAUGHING AT U

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Hindi Joks

ek Aadmi dusre admi ko peet raha tha Aur khud jor jor se ro raha tha. jab logo ne usse pucha ki tum kyo ro raheho to usne kha- jab mai ise chodunga to ye bhi mujhe ise trah pitega.
	Why did HARBHAJAN slap Srisanth..?Aftr d match he asked Bhajji Oye Paji, LOG CHLOROMINT KYU KHATE HAIN?Bhajji slapped & said DUBARA MAT POOCHHNA
		Jyotishi ladke Ka Haath Dekhkar bola: "Beta Tum Bahut Padhoge"Ladka: "Saale,Padh To Main 3 saal Se Raha Hu, Yeh Bata Paas Kab Hounga...??"
	Why did HARBHAJAN slap Srisanth..?Aftr d match he asked Bhajji 'Oye Paji, LOG CHLOROMINT KYU KHATE HAIN?'Bhajji slapped & said 'DUBARA MAT POOCHHNA'
		A New Teacher Joins schoolHe Finds Two Boys Similar In Appearance.Teacher asks - "kya TUM Judva ho.??Boy-: jee nahi..Hum Padosi hain.
	Teacher : usne khudkhushi kar li, use khudkhushi karni padi, farak batao student : pehla padha likha berojgar tha, dusra shadi-suda tha
		MunnaBhai: Teray ko maaloom hai k cigarette aik tarah say slow poison ka kaam karta hai. Patient: To mujhay konsa marnay ki jaldi hai.
	Boy:Tum gaana bahut achcha gaate ho.Gal:Nahi, mein to sirf bathroom singer hoon.Boy:To bulaao na kabhi, mehfil jamaate hain                                          teacher-osama ki 5 biwi & 20 bachche.lalu ki 1 biwi aur 9 bachche,to batao kaun achcha? studnt-score to osama ka zyada hai par strike rate lalu ka achcha hai      Ek bacha paida hote hi nurse se bola-mobile hai kya?Nurse:-hai pr tu kya karega Bacha:kuch nhi bs God ko miss cal krni hai ki me pahunch gya. Sindhi Cals News Paper off. 2ask Rate 2 Print 4 Mortuary Clerk:Rs50 Per Word S:"Dada Dead" C:No,Min 5 Words S:OK,Dada dead,Honda 4 Sale! Pati Patni me ladai ho gai,Pati ghar se chala gya Raat ko phone karke pucha:"Khane me kya he Patni:zaher pati:me der se aunga,tum khakar so JANA Teacher student se:Tere pitaji ki karde ne Student:Ji woh PWD chalaunde ne!Teacher:Tera matlab Public Works Department?Student:Na ji na,PWD matlab Pakodeyaan waali dukaan 1 Admi Apni biwi se bola-Raja dashrath ki 3 raniya thi.Is hisab se main 2 shadian or kr sakta hu.Biwi-Bas itna yad rakhna k Dropdi k 5 pati bhi they. Wife to husband: see breaking news.. 80 yr old man ne shaadi kar li.Husband: sari umar samazdari se bitayi, akhri me bewakufi kar hi di                                Dr.-Kal dawai PEELI thi?Patient-Nahi, wo to LAAL thiDr.(shouted)-Mera matlab KHA LEE thi?Patient-Nahi Doctor Sahab, wo to BHARI thi ! Sir:bacho kasam lo ki kabhi Sharab,cigrete,jua or ladki ko nahi chuoge.Desh k liye jaan doge? Bacche:de denge sir,aisi Jindagi jikar Kya Karenge. Sir-Tum Kal school Q nahi aaye?Raj-sir mujhe bird flu ho gya tha.Sir-bird flu to murgiyo ko hota h?Raj-sir aap rozana murga jo banate The.. Ek Dehati aurat chequecash karwane bank gyi Clerk:Sign karo Aurat:Kaise?Clerk:Jaise khat kaakhir me karti ho She wrote:AAP K MUNNEKI MAA Raabadi ask Lalu:Suniyeji 'Dahi Jamane' ko english me kya bolun? Lalu:Milk was sleepin in the Nightwa,early in the morning it bcom tightwa.! Doctor:Agar kisi LADKI ko mirgi ka attack ho to use lambikiss karo,Wo thiq ho jayegi..Student:"Par use attack kaise dilaye jaye?" Boy-suit bahut accha pehna hai.Grl-thnxB-Lipstick b acchi lagai hai.G-thnxB-mak up bhi bahut accha kia hai.G-thnx"BHAIYA" B-fir bhi sunder nahi lag rhi ho! Son:Papa kya aap kabhi Egypt gaye ho??Papa:Nahi,Par kyu?Son:Toh fir aap itni Khofnaak mummy kaha se laye..                           Judge- Aap bahut bahadur hai, aapne us chor ko itna maara. Woman- Mujhe kya pata wo chor hai,mujhe laga mera pati thoda late ghar aaya he!! Premika-Tum to bass apne kaam mai lage rehte ho. meri to koi parwah hi nahi hai tumhe! premi-Oyee pyar karne wale kisi ki parwah nahi karte Tax Officr was laughing while auditing d return file of mallika sherawat, Another officr askd what hapnd?Office Laundry ka bil '7lack' bataya hai. :)-- Janwaro ki Party me Chuha 4 peg Laga K Set tha Billi-Aaj Party Na Hoti to Me Tujhe Kha Jaati.Chuha-Abe chali ja, Nhi to log kahenge ki pi k jaanani ko peet di BETA-Papa,Sab Log Shaadi karke pareshan hai,to Fir Shaadi kyo karte hai?FATHER-Beta,Akkal Badaam khane se Nahi, Thokar khane se Hi Aati ha Ladki apne Boyfrnd se :Mera BachaMera ShonaMujhse Shaadi karoge.?Bolo Baby.?Bfrnd :Tu Mujhe Propose kar rahi he ya adopt. Bhakt: Bhagwanji aap kab kush hote ho, Bhagawan:jab hindi film me vilan ladki ko pakadata hai tab ladki bolti hai please mujhe bhagawan ke liye chod do.                                    "Maathe pe lahu,sir pe ret..Wah!Wah! Jara Gaur karna.Mathe pe lahu,sir pe ret. Kyonki PADOSAN ne phool mara. 'GAMLE SAMET." Patni:Wo sharabi dekh rahe ho,10 sal pehle maine usse shadi k liye inkar kiya tha or wo aj tak pi raha hai. Pati:Wah itni lambi celebration. Salesman tension me tha. DEALER-Kya hua? S.MAN-Mai 6 months tour pe tha, biwi Pregnant ho gai DLR-Ab pata chala bina order k maal aye to kaisa lagta hai.. Aadmi Sadhu se bola:-Meri Biwi Bahut Pareshan Karti Hai,Koi Upaay Bataao.Sadhu Bola:-Saale Upaay Hota To Main Sadhu Kyon Bantaa.Hari Om.. Two snakes sitting in the jungle, Female snake tried to kiss the male snake, Suddenly male snake turned and started singing ‘zehar hai ki pyar hai tera chumma’! After finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna start his practice. He checked 1st patient eyes, tongue & ears by torch & finallly said Bole To.. Torch Theek hai Patient: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis k liye? Doctor: ye mera pehla operation hai… Success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.. TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell “crocodile”? PAPPU : “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L” TEACHER : No, that’s wrong PAPPU : Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!                          TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America . PAPPU : Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America ? CLASS : PAPPU! LADKI WALE=BETA-DRINK KARTEHO? JI HAAN JUA/SATTA? JI HAAN DANGA-FASAD? JI HAAN SARI NGETIVE BATEIN,KUCH POSITIVE BHI HAI? HIV LADKI WALE=BETA-DRINK KARTEHO? JI HAAN JUA/SATTA? JI HAAN DANGA-FASAD? JI HAAN SARI NGETIVE BATEIN,KUCH POSITIVE BHI HAI? HIV EK BIHARI KI MAUT BIJLI GIRNE SE HUI. PAR US KI LAASH HASTE HUE MILI. BHAGWAN NE PUCHHA: AISA KYUN? BIHARI: HUM SOCHA KOI SASURA HUMARI PHOTO Mallika at Airport. Bhikhari: behanji 1 rupiya dedo. Malika gave him 1000 Rs. Secretary: why U gave him 1000 Rs..? Malika: pehli bar kisine behan kaha. Pati patni se:- kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul gobar jaisa swad hai Patni(matha peet te hue)Hey bhagwan!Na jane inhone kya-kya khaKe dekhahAI Judge: U r crossing the limits. Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai? Judge: How dare you call me saala? Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?

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Jokes

A father asks peon: How are the studies in this college? Where do I see my son in future? Peon: The future is bright, I had also completed my engineering from the same college
	“Me sick, no work” Boss SMS back: “When I am sick I kiss my wife try it” 2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss: “Me ok, ur wife very sweet”
indian- i have 4 sister n 3 brothers what abt u? American-i hav no sis or no bro but i hav 4 moms frm 1st dad n 5 dads frm my 1st mom
	JUDGE:WHY did U Shoot Ur Wife instead of shooting her LOVER?MAN:Ur Honour, it\'s Easier 2 Shoot a WOMAN once,than ----SHOOTING a Man Every Month
Boy- From the day I m ur friend, I m not able to eat, drink or smoke.Girl- how sweet, so u r madly in LOVE with me..!Boy- SHUT UP..!!, U made my pocket empty.
	Doctor implants New Ear 2 a man Man: "U fraud,U gave me a woman's ear" Doc: It makes no difference Man: "It does,Now I hear everything but understand nothing"
A girl wearing very short skirt.A boy asks he Won't yr mom tell anythng abt yr dress?Girl replied: My mom will b very angry..bcoz I'm wearing her dress. Husband:You know,our son got his brain from me...............Wife:I think he did,I still got mine with me!!! 10 A boy goes to see a cabare dance.His mom gets angry & asks him:Did u see anything ther that u were not supposed to see?Boy:Yes,I saw DAD Dad:Why aren't you doing well in history?Pappu:Because the Teacher keeps on asking things that happened before my birth 11 Dad: if u Pass in the exam i will Present u 1 Cycle.Son: if i fail?Dad: i will Present 10 Cycle.Son: why?Dad: To Open Cycle Shop.         Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time! Raj: Meet my wife Divya. Ajay: Oh, I know her... Raj: How? Ajay: We had been sleeping together. Raj: What the Hell? Ajay: 10 years ago, in our History classes.. Boss: Drive slow. Driver: But sir, u said you want to reach the hospital fast. Boss: Yes, but not as a patient.. A BusinessMan ExpLaining The Reason For Having Two Wives....!@!--!@! MonoPoLy... Is ALways Damaging... & Competition... ImProves Service... WIFE: What Should I Get FOR U FROM London? HUS: A BRITISH Girl! She Left Quietly. On Her Return. HUS: My Gift? WIFE: Honey,Wait For 9Month. Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet. 135 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful am I for you? Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this                        24. Teen boy:Dad I want to be like Ghandhiji Dad:Good why not..!Boy:Thanx Dad so lets start with marriage as Gandhiji were married at age of 14 25 Why do u take your wife 2 night clubs only?Laloo-By the time she gets ready no othr place is open 26 First Lady-"If you dont love your husband why dont you divorce him???"2nd Lady-Oh I hate him so much that I dont want to see him haappy 27 Hus: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It is Without Information, Fighting Everytime! WIFE: No darling, its : With Idiot For Ever 28 Rampa: what is the cost of hair cut?BarbeRs 20Rampa: Then what is the cost of shaving?BarbeRs 10Rampa: Oh! Ok please Shave my head 29 Lady sitting on a park bench.Beggar:Hi darling.!shall v have some fun ?lady angrily:How dare U ?Beggar:Then What r U doin on my bed ? 30 Teacher:Draw A Diagram Of Bacteria Pappu:Here It Is Sir Teacher:Where? u Haven't Drawn Anything Pappu:Sir,Cn u See Bacteria Withot Microscop 16 Teacher:I wish you would pay a little attention!Student:I'm paying as little as I can sir 17 Teacher:The best way to double the money in stock market!Student:Invest 4 times the money!!--- 18 TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.WINNIE : Me! 19 Sir:G.Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,but also admitted doing it. Now,kid, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"kid:Because George still had the axe in his hand. 20 TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 21 Teacher:What was the first think Akbar did on ascending to the throne?Student:Well,he sat down 22 T'CHER:What do we do with crude oil?S'dent:Teach it some manners 23 Sir:Tom,wot wud happen if there is a3rd world war?Tom:Tht wud be terrible.Sir:Why?Tom:There wll be another chapter in our history book 12 Teache Give An example to use neither-nor. Boy: When girls wear tight fittings, neither they are comfortable nor we are comfortable… 13 Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? TeacheLittle Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first! 14 Man:I'm looking for a book-"How to control ur wife"...Salesman:Sorry, we Don't Sell Fiction 15 FATHEHow r ur grades, son?SON: Under water, Dad.FATHEUnder water? What do u mean?SON: They're below C level.

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funny honny joks

रेखा थापा र पुरनो हिरोईन मिथिला शर्मा  एक चोटि एउटा अवार्ड फङ्सन मा आका थिए रे। रेखा थापा पुरा हाइ फाइ भएर आको थि रे भने मिथिला शर्मा चै सिम्पल । निखिल उप्रेती, दिलिप रायमाझि त भैहले तर बुढा हिरोहरु  राजेश हमाल्, भुवन केसी, शिव श्रेष्ठ, नीर शाह पनि रेखा थापा लाई साइड् हान्न मस्त। मिथिला शर्मा यो सिन् देखेर रेख थापालाई हेर्दै तर्की रहेकी थिइ रे। अनी पछी रेखा थापा नजिक् आएर भनि रे, पुरा दीवार फिल्म को बिजय (आमिताभ बच्चान को  सैली मा) " यो उहि म हु । र त्यो तेइ तिमी हौ । अजा हेर मसँग के छैन । म सँग ॐ होउसिङ म स्ट्यान्डर्ड अपार्टमेन्ट छ, नयाँ माज्दा गाडी छ, दिन दिनै लाखौं खर्च गरिदिने पोइ छ, क्यासिनो हरु मा भेट हुने हाई क्लस्स् सरकल् छ,  पोखरा को फुल्बारी रिजोर्ट मा रात सँगै बितौन टन्न केटा हरु छ । तिमी सँग के छ? " मिथिला शर्मा को पालो- "म सँग कपडा छ"

नेतै नेताले

एउटा नेतै नेताले भरिएको बस सडकबाट दुर्घटना भएर खेतमा खसेछ त्यो देखेर किसान दौडदै गएछ अनि एक एक गरेर सबै नेनाहरुलाई खाल्डोमा पुरेछ । केहि दिनपछि सरकारि पक्षले थाहा पाएपछि किसानलाई सोधपुछ को क्रममा ।


सरकार : के सबै नेताहरु मरेका थिए र पुरेको हो ?


किसान : होईन कोहि त भन्दै थिए कि म मरेको छुईन! तर तपाईलाई पनि थाहा छ नि नेताहरु कति झुट बोल्छन भनेर ।


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ek दिन हनुमान एउटा गाउँमा गुम्दै जाँदा म श्री रामको भक्त हनुमान हुँ भन्दा मानिस हरुले नपत्याए पछि उनले आफ्नो छाति चिरेर राम सिताको तस्विर देखाउन लाग्दा राम फुत्त बाहिर आएर हनुमानको गालामा एक झापड हिर्काएछन् ।


हनुमान : प्रभु मैले के विराएँ ?


राम : तँलाई जाहाँ पायो त्यहाँ जतिखेर पायो तेतिखेर छाति चिरेर देखाउनु पर्छ ?


हनुमान : किनर प्रभु ?


राम : भित्र सिता कपडा फेर्दै छिन ।




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GP koirala and Prachanda were sitting in a restaurant to discuss the craziness of the election. When the waitress came to take their orders, Prachanda said, "I'll take the steak." When she asked GP koirala, he said, "I'll take the quicky." Prachanda motioned for the waitress to come closer, and whispered into her ear "He means the quiche."




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श्रीमति टि भि मा क्रिकेट म्याच हेर्नमा मस्त भईराखेको बेलामा श्रीमाने अफिस जानलाई तयार भएर सोधेछ,


हेरत म कस्तो देखिएको छु ?


श्रीमति : (T. V.हेरेकै सुरमा श्रीमनतिर हेर्दै) छक्का, छक्का ।


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Where Do U Saw MANGOES?


Mango Tree?


No!


Fruit Shop?


Wrong Again?


Ans:जाहाँ जाहाँ Woman Goes त्यहाँ त्यहाँ MAN GOES।




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(शिव कैलाशबाट बरक्त लागेर पृथ्वीमा आउनु भयो)


शिवलाई मन्द्रेले भन्यो- मलाई चुरोट घृणा गर्छु।


शिव- त्यसैले त मैले बाली रहेको छु।


शिव रात्रीको मंगलमय शुभकामना


जय शम्भु


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रामो साथी computer हो


जुन जीवनमा enters हुन्छ


मुटुमा save हुन्छ


सबै दु:खहरु formats गर्छ


र मनबाट कहिले पनि delete हुदैन्




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तिनजना साथि मध्ये एकजना धेरै लोभि रहेछ पिक्निक जने कुराकानिको क्रममा-


पहिलो : म फलफुल मिठाई ल्याउछु ।


दोस्रो : म समोसा र चाउमिन ल्याउछु ।


त्यसपछि दुवैजनाले कञ्जुसलाई सोधेछन तँ के ल्याउछस त?


तेस्रो(लोभि) : अब तिमिहरुले यत्तिका धेरै खानेकुरा ल्याउदै छौ भने मपनि भईबहिनिहरु ल्याउँलानि।




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मल्लिकाले एक बाबालाई सोधेछिन्


बाबा म नहाउने बेलामा के लगाउ जसले गर्दा मेरो यौवन सधै सुरक्षित रहोस


बाबाले भने: ढोका




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दुइ पागल


पहिलोः यार,म संसारका सुन किन्ने बिचार गरिरहेको छु ।


दोश्रोः धत्, त्यो सबै म बेच्दिंन यार ।




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Shree मति : हिजो तपाईं धेरै पिउनु भएर ढल तिर लड्नु भएको थियो, यसरी पनि पिउनु हुन्छ ?


श्रीमान : के गर्नु सबै गलत संगतको असर हो, ४ जना साथी १ बोटल रक्सी, ३नै जना बेवकुफहरु रक्सी नखाने परे त्यसैले धेर भयो ।

nepali joks

##एकजना मुर्ख डाक्टरको मा आफ्नो दुबै कान पोलेर देखाउन गएछ । डाक्टरले सोधेछ , तपाईंको दाँया कान कसरी पोल्यो ? मुर्खले जवाफ दिएछ , म iron लाउदै थिएँ त्यतिकै मा फोनको घण्टी बज्यो , मैले बिर्सेंर फोनको सट्टा iron लाईनै कानमा राखे । डाक्टर: अनी बाँया कान कसरी पोलियो त ? मुर्ख: फोनको घण्टी फेरी बज्यो नि त##




##"एउटा टुरिस्ट नेपाल भ्रमण गर्न आएछ , उसले एउटा नेपाली गाईड राखेछ र घुम्न गएछ । उनिहरु घण्टाघर नजिक पुगेछ र टुरिस्टले गाईडलाई सोधेछ " यो घण्टाघर बनाउन कती समय लाग्यो ?गाईड : ५ बर्षटुरिस्ट : नेपालीहरु त साह्रै अल्छि रहेछन , हाम्रोमा भए त यो २ बर्षमा बन्ने थियो ।रानीपोखरी देखे पछि फेरीटुरिस्ट : यो पोखरी बनाउन कती समय लागेको थियो नि ?गाईड : यो त १ बर्ष मै बनाइ सकिएको थियो ।टुरिस्ट : तिमीहरु साह्रै अल्छि रहेछौ हाम्रोमा भए त यो ५ महिनामा बन्ने थियो ।घुम्दा घुम्दै उनिहरु धरहरा नजिक पुगेछनटुरिस्ट : यो धरहरा बनाउन कती समय लागेको थियो निगाईड : खै थाहा भएन, हिजो सम्म त यो यहाँ थिएन##




##तिनाउमा आएको बाढीलाई देखाएर छोराले भन्यो ड्याडी म भेलमा पनि पौडेर तर्न सक्छु । हुदैन हुदैन डुबेर मरीन्छ । बाबुले रोक्न खोजे । मलाई पौडी खेल्न आउछ म डुब्दीन ड्याडी म जान्छु है छोराले जिद्धी गर्‍यो । वावु हैरान हुदै अनुमती दिए - जान त जा डुबेर मरीस भने घर गएर तँलाई खुब पिट्नेछु ।##




##तिन जना वकिल डाक्टर चोर मरेछन र यमराज कहाँ पूगेछन


यमराज :- तिमीहरु अर्को जन्ममा के बन्न चाहान्छौ ?
वकिल :- म संसारको सबैभन्दा चचित र धनी वकिल बन्न चाहान्छु
डाक्टर :- म पनि संसारको सबैभन्दा चर्चित र धनी डाक्टर बन्न चाहान्छु
चोर :- मलाई केही चाहिन्न । केवल मलाई यिनीहरुको ठेगाना दिनुहोस । ##




##किशुनजीको प्रेम


किशुनजी, अर्थात उही हाम्रो कृष्णप्रसाद भट्टराईँजी उहिले अन्तरिम सरकारको प्रधानमन्त्री
भएपछि देश दौडाहामा निस्कनु भयो । पहिलो चरणको यात्रा अन्र्तगत उहाँ पाल्पा र झापाको
भ्रमण मण सकेर राजधानी र्फकनु भयो । यसै बिषयमा कुरा गर्न प्रधानमन्त्री निवासमा पत्रकार
सम्मेलनको आयोजना गरियो:
पत्रकारः���� किशूनजी, तपाईँलाई पाल्पालीको संस्कार मन पर्यो कि झापालीको ?
किशुनजीः �ब...चाइने, मलाई न पाल्पाली मन पर्यो, न त झापाली । मलाई त,
����������������� कपाली बाहेक कोही पनि मन परेन !##




##माधव कमरेडको सपना�


माधव नेपालजी हालै कोरियाको भ्रमण सकेर पश्चिमा मूलुक अमेरिका पुगेर र्फकनु भयो ।
एमाले पार्टी कार्यालयमा यसै बिषयमा वामदेव गौतमसँग छलफल हुँदैथियोः
वामदेवः कमरेड, पश्चिमको कल्चर राम्रो कि हाम्रो पुविर्य कल्चर राम्रो ?
माधवः न पश्चिमा कल्चर न त पुर्विय कल्चर,म त रौतहटको मान्छे...मेरा लागी त�मध्य�कल्चरमात्रै राम्रो ##




##गिरिजाबाबुको अहंकार


चौथो पटक प्रम बनेपछि गिरिजाबाबु, जापान घुमेर चाइना हुँदै नेपाल फर्किनु भयो ।
रिपोर्टर क्लबमा सिसि धमलाले सोधिहालेः
धमला:������� ��गिरिजाबाबु, जापानीज असल कि चाइनिज असल ?
गिरिजाबाबुः: हेर्नोच्, न जापानिज, न त चाइनिज ....निज (स्वयम्) बाहेक
������������������� कोही पनि असल छैनन् !##

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